It Is Okay To Not Have It All Figured Out Yet. It Is Not Okay to Wallow In Self Pity About It.

It is so easy to feel like you are not good enough. That you are not successful, attractive, wealthy or smart enough. It is easy to compare yourself to others and make yourself feel even more inadequate, but I am about to give you some honest advice that you may not like to hear. I am not going to sugar coat it and give you fluffy advice to “follow your dreams” because you might not even know what your dreams are. Maybe, like me, you have lots of different passions or ideas but you haven’t quite pin pointed where you want to go yet.

I am not going to mollycoddle you and tell you everything is going to be okay, because unless you start getting your shit together and actually trying to do something about it, it’s not.

Nothing in this lifetime will come easy to you, unless you happen to be in a very rare circumstance of extreme wealth and privilege. However, if you have the luxury to be on a laptop, tablet or phone reading this right now, you are already more privileged than over 60% of the global population.  Fuck it, if you have food, running water and a roof over your head, you’re a lucky bastard.

I am not saying that these things guarantee a happy life, because life does not work that way. There are a lot of things that make life feel shitty. Mental Illness does not have a type and it can affect anyone, no matter the background. You could be the queen but still have major fucking depression and anxiety. It sucks.

But, self-pity? I am not a fan. It does not do you any good to wallow in self pity, saying what you wish you had and how you wish things were, In fact I believe it is a surefire way to make sure that you fail. You are in control of your own life for the most part and you have the ability to change it. When we change our outlook on life, the world changes. When we become grateful, we become wealthier and I do not just mean in regards to money. When we love what we already have, no matter what situation we are in, we already feel happier. It may not be your ideal, but it is a start.

Stop sulking about what you don’t have and do something about it. I am going to state the obvious and say it is hard to go after what you want, when you do not know what you want. But, you can’t just sit around and do nothing. You have to be proactive and try. Try everything! As the title says, it is okay not to have it all figured out yet. Most of us don’t and even those who look as if they have it all, might even feel exactly the way you feel right now. You can not judge your own life by someone else’s. That is a recipe for disaster no matter who you are.

At the end of the day, if you tell yourself that you are not good enough, that is what you believe. Would you tell a child they are not good enough? Would you stand there and tell them that they are not smart enough? Not attractive enough? No sane person would. You would encourage them and guide them. You would build up their confidence so that the believe they can do anything. If you wouldn’t say the things you tell yourself to a child, then why tell them to yourself?

I can not give you a manual on what you should do in order to “achieve your dreams” or get to where you want to be. Only you will know that and know the necessary steps you need to take to get there. Like I said before, you may have a handful of interests and it may just be a case of trial and error. You are going to fail before you get it right, so do not let that stop you.

I agree, that dealing with mental health issues complicates things quite a bit. But, if you can speak to someone, anyone who will listen. I am going to admit something I never have admitted before. I am pretty open about the struggles I have had with depression and anxiety in the past. But, I never admitted how low it got for me. Around this time last year, I was at a point in my life where i felt so suicidal, so worthless and so pathetic that I really did consider taking my life. I felt I had nothing to live for. I spent two hours on the phone to a confidential charity line called The Samaritans, laying in my University bed, thinking about when and how I was going to kill myself. I will never know the woman I spoke to. She will never know the enormity of what she did for me that night. She listened to me and made me realise that things did not have to be this way.

Slowly but surely, I worked on my mindset and mental health. My god, it was hard. I had been dealing with mental health issues since I was 14 years old and I did not know anything else. I don’t think I had ever really done anything to help myself before that night on the phone. It took a lot of hard work, patience and tears to get myself where I am today and I would say I am 100% free of depression and suicidal thoughts. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I’d be lying if I said I was over my anxiety because I am not. It is still there to some extent, but I can cope with it now. It is truly insane what a change of mindset has done for me. Especially when I stopped feeling sorry for myself.

Because that is the key thing. For the most part, what you are feeling is in your head. There are emotions that may never go away, but that does not mean that there is nothing we can do to cope with it or at least try. The moment we give up hope, we have nothing. There is a famous quote that says “hope is the ability to see the light in the darkest of times.” Hope is the key starting point but it is your actions that will define everything for you. You need to give it a go to actually get anywhere. Our mistakes and trials are what develop us as people and are what help us to learn and grow.

We do not develop character and strength through doing nothing. Our struggles, losses, heartbreak, suffering… they all make us what we are. There is a point where you can choose to stay in the mindset of “nothing will ever change”, or you can take matters in to your on hands and try.

Just try.





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